I wonder if everyone has a day at some point in their lives when they realize exactly what and how much they're really capable of. Not necessarily in a bad way or a good way, but an action or a thought that will make you go, holy shit, did I just do that? Did that succession of thoughts really run through my mind?
I'm not saying I did anything. Don't get any ideas now. But I suppose I've had those moments where I may have been possessed to do something and greatly impacted my sense of self without actually doing whatever it was I set out to do. Or tried to, anyway.
Complicated, I know. Aren't we all?
Maybe as we get older and have a better handle on ourselves do we take the most risks. I think it's only you're confident that you can be the most reckless. By that point you know what you're capable of, what you can handle - what better way to rebel against social or self-imposed constructs than taking self-shattering risks? Making potentially terrible decisions knowing perfectly well how absolutely ridiculous they are and yet reveling in every minute of it.
Sure, that seems a little stupid. But why not? It's taxing to be smart all the time. To be quick on the uptake. Whatever happened to slow on the downturn? Sometimes it's better be running with the crowd instead of ahead of the race.
Funny how things work out, isn't it? You can wake up in the morning with one sense of purpose, one sense of intent for that particular day and in the end, accomplish the exact opposite of what you intended. One step forward and two steps back happens so quickly in life. I'm not a believer in fate, destiny, or a higher power. I worship myself and the power and novelty of coincidence. What a coincidence can make us do crazy, crazy things.
To hell with it. Sometimes crazy is good.
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